me.the.any

Alas, I know I suck at updating… but between sleeping and eating and searching for another job, when does one find the time for anything??

Three things have come to my attention over the past day and a half–the first and foremost being that my boy Jayme is the best thing to happen to me since pumpernickel rye with camembert, and the second being that I finally broke down and actually USED one of the Smitten Kitchen recipes I’ve been hoarding all these months… it may seem like a small step, but to me it feels as if I’ve accomplished something grand.

The third and last thing is this: I was trying to clean out my bookmark folder and found–can you imagine?–that mirror site of my old, old OpenDiary, my very first online journal EVER.

And let me tell you, kids, it SUCKED. It sucked so much that I sat and read through the ENTIRE THING, and was just amazed at how much of an angsty, emo teen I used to be. And that got me wondering whether I still use some of the cop-outs of my youth: insulting my audience, for one, or pretending that something doesn’t matter when in fact it does. And looking over some of THESE entries, I have to wince at the realization that just because I’m older doesn’t necessarily mean I’ve given up my handicaps.

One of the ONLY good things about re-reading that journal was that I was overwhelmed by the support group available to me–on average, I had at least ten to fifteen notes on every page. My friends were pretty awesome–hell, you know what? They still are!!–and I’m pretty sure that I wrote mainly just to see what people would say. (Which reminds me! Near-complete aside: I stumbled upon some British chick’s autobiographical webcomic recently and read the WHOLE DAMNED THING. Not because she led a very interesting life or anything, and not because she was an excellent artist–but because the idea that someone could DO that–just, you know, record their everyday mundane life–and have such an avid readership is just… I mean… HELL, you know?? I COULD DO THAT. I can’t DRAW for shit, but I COULD DO THAT!!! My life is PACKED with odd little anecdotes and pissy landlords! Why am I not WRITING?? European goth-chicks sell MERCHANDISE of their crappy blogs! What do I have to show for all this crappy poetry?)

So!

If I’m ever to start writing again, there are two things I need to do:
1. Find something true
2. Find someone to make me a new layout.

Until I can get my silly life back in order, this is another placeholder. And, for the record, I have some GREAT IDEAS! … I just need the impetus to push forward with them. Wish me luck! ^_^b

My best friend David recently noted that I seem to find a new love-interest at this time of year. That made me start thinking… is love seasonal? Sure, everyone knows that spring makes people twitterpated, but I’ve also noticed that I am quite affected by SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) and as soon as winter starts to die, I’m suddenly filled with energy and life rather than the usual cold-weather gloom, which prompts me to DO something about my INTENSE LONELINESS AND SEVERE EMOTIONAL TRAUMA ZOMG!!! — namely, find a mate.

Now that I’m IN LURVE, will I still be subject to my natural impulses with the turning of the seasons? Will I find myself suddenly eyeing that cute dude in my film class as soon as winter’s past? Will I grow bored and restless as soon as spring elbows its way back into view? Alas, only time shall tell.

One thing I DO know: Few things in this life can compare to the crazy, fucked-up feeling of being in love, and I’m INSANELY HAPPY to have found someone who’s as quirky and geeky as I am. Weirdos of the world, unite! ^_^b

Also: Don’t worry about any of it, for future reference. You CAN fall in love twice in a lifetime. It happened to me, so there MUST be hope for the rest of you sorry idjits. ^____^b

p.s. Soon, school will be behind me and I will freakin’ ROCK this page, man. HARDXXXCORE!!!

This website is a struggle for me, I still don’t feel comfortable in this skin. I really wish I had time to plan it out and make it feel more like home, but for now I have to put up with the layout and just hope to high hell that nobody ever reads it but me. >_>;;